May 2, 2018


In public, talking about sex is still considered taboo, but in private, it’s easily the most widely discussed topic in the world. Unfortunately, we rarely talk about sex with the person we’re sleeping with, and that’s the one person we should be definitely be discussing it with. And since sexual conversations often happen in misplaced contexts and inappropriate settings like locker rooms, porn sites, and TV shows, misconceptions continue to thrive.

There are some places where you can get accurate sexual information though. A good doctor can set you straight, or a licensed sex therapist. Our specialists here at AMI are available for consults, and they’re happy to clarify any queries you might have. Let’s start by tackling some commonly propagated myths about healthy sex.

Only vaginal orgasms count

Many men (and women) believe sex is inadequate without vaginal orgasms. At the other extreme, many people believe vaginal orgasms don’t exist, and that all female orgasms are clitoral. A woman can achieve orgasm when her clitoris is suitably and sufficiently stimulated, either directly or indirectly. Some women can even reach orgasms by having their nipples teased and tickled, so it’s not all about the vagina.

Sex has to last for hours

While most men would love to last longer in bed, a man’s erection can last anything from 30 seconds to 30 minutes (actually, the longest erection on scientific record is 23 minutes). Depending on the mental and emotional state during sex, this period can seem much longer … or shorter. Usually, those ‘hour long’ sessions include extended foreplay, which has the added of advantage of making it easier for the woman to orgasm. The ‘thrusting’ part of sex can only last as long as the man’s erection, though with skill and practise, he can use the start-stop technique to maintain his erection indefinitely, at least in theory …

TV sex is real

Sex on the screen – whether it’s pornography or movie scenes – is choreographed and shot in multiple takes, sometimes with extras, stunt doubles, and no actual sex. There can be up to fifty crew-people in the room, holding cameras, microphones, and other equipment. There’s often a consultant telling the lovers where to lie, how to move, and what to touch. Lighting and soundtracks make it feel far more sexy than it really is. Real sex often includes unsexy noises, strong smells, slippery sweat, and awkward body movements. This makes it no less enjoyable, and we are often so caught up in the moment that we forgive the less sexy bits.

Penis size equals shoe size, finger length, or vertical height

None of these measurements have any correlation to the length of a man’s penis. Also, penile length isn’t necessarily a factor of female sexual pleasure. Girth is more important, though some women do psychologically link their pleasure to the length of their partner’s penis. That said, most penises ‘stretch’ to between 3.5 and 6 inches when erect, even if they’re much smaller while flaccid. Larger flaccid penises don’t elongate as much when they get erect.

Condoms reduce the pleasure of sex

In some men, condoms reduce sensitivity, which can actually help them hold their erections longer. Other people believe stopping sex to put on a condom reduces arousal, but this isn’t true, since the start-stop tactic can enhance arousal, so stopping to put the condom on can actually be sexy, if you do it right. Most importantly, sex protects partners from disease and unplanned pregnancy, which makes sex worry-free and relaxed, and that’s always good.

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