November 2, 2018


Most people gauge other people’s sex lives in terms of frequency. They compare their own satisfaction against statistics like ‘married couples have sex three times a week’, then feel inadequate about their own numbers. Studies suggest all couples – married or not – have sex an average of once a week. The same statistic applies to single, unattached people. That said, ‘normal’ is relative. Some people have sex once a month, others barely have sex at all, and yet these people may still describe their sex lives as happy.

So the first step to improving your sex life isn’t to Find out how to last longer in bed. It’s to stop comparing and focus on your partner. Your ‘sex numbers’ aren’t determined by rumours and assumptions. They’re gauged on whichever partner has a lower sex drive – and that’s not always the female partner. That’s why your best bet is to persuade your partner to want sex more. Note: the word ‘persuade’ NOT ‘coerce’. For sex to be healthy, it has to be consensual, so it’s not about nagging or convincing … it’s more about making it enjoyable for them.

If they like it, they’ll do it

Many sex therapists suggest scheduled sex as a solution to common problems like being too tired, or too busy. But before timetabling the bedroom, set aside a pre-planned session where you can discuss things. Be open, talk about your likes and dislikes, read books, watch instructional videos together, learn about both your bodies. By finding out why your partner is averse to sex, you can take corrective measures.

Instead of attacking them for not making love often enough, come from a point of curiosity and problem-solving. They may be worried about the premature climax, so you can help by working together to seek early ejaculation treatment. If their lack of interest comes from stress at work, help them relax and unwind when they get home. Create a warm, welcoming, low-pressure environment and they’re more likely to get in the mood.

Physical factors

For problems like painful sex, see a doctor to explore physiological barriers. It could be as simple as introducing lube into your intercourse, or as complex as talking through anxiety or digging into past sexual trauma (with a therapist). A doctor can help you identify and solve the trigger. Other times, your body may respond physically to emotional challenges. Many (male) partners offer sex without affection, making their partners resentful. Your partner needs non-sexual touches, cuddles, hugs, and kind words to feel loved.

And if they don’t feel loved, they’re less likely to respond to sexual overtures. At the other extreme, when a partner stops initiating and/or responding to ‘sex moves’ the other partner can feel rejected. Talk it over, find out what’s causing the disinterest, and work it out together.

More insights on sexual health

  • 3 Common Conditions That Could Be Affecting Your Sex Life

    10 Feb 2021

    3 Common Conditions That Could Be Affecting Your Sex Life

    If you aren’t enjoying your sex life as much as you used to, then a health condition could be to blame. In fact, there are a number of sexual disorders …

  • Male Physical mental and sexual health 2021

    10 Feb 2021

    How to Take Care of Your Physical, Mental, and Sexual Health in 2021

    After a challenging year that impacted people’s mental and physical wellbeing, now is a great time to reset and set goals for the year ahead. Whether you’re looking to lose …

  • man about to measure his blood glucose level

    2 Nov 2020

    How Diabetes Can Affect Your Sex Life

    If you have diabetes, you’re familiar with how the disease affects your physical and mental health. But did you know that diabetes might also be impacting your sexual health?

    Men living …

  • beautiful happy young couple lying on bed and hugging

    20 Aug 2020

    How to Last Longer in Bed

    There’s no denying that lasting better sexual performance is something that’s at the forefront of many men’s minds. Whether you’re suffering from a form of sexual dysfunction, like premature ejaculation …

  • Superfoods that Help with Bedroom Performance

    23 Mar 2020

    10 Superfoods that Help with Bedroom Performance

    If you’re looking for ways to improve your performance in the bedroom, it’s time to turn your attention to your diet. As it turns out, there is significant evidence to …

  • mindfulness for sex

    2 Jul 2019

    How Mindfulness can Blow Your Mind in The Bedroom

    Mindfulness can turn mediocre sex into mind-blowing sex, and it can, in some cases, help improve problems of either premature ejaculation or lack of libido. Research shows that mindfulness can …