November 2, 2017

Discussions regarding sex often focus on the negative. A lot of people find it difficult to talk about bedroom matters openly, so when they finally do, it’s usually because they have a problem. That’s not the only way to tackle sensual challenges though. After all, if you know what healthy sex looks like, then you can better identify problems and last longer in bed.

Pop culture offers templates of what a sexually attractive man or woman looks like. Subconsciously, this makes us unhappy with our bodies. We feel that unless we look like the people on TV and magazines, then we can’t get partners. We falsely believe the partners we do have are not attracted to us and blame any bedroom problems on how we look.

This creates a positive cycle, because loving our bodies makes us feel sexy, which leads to better sex. And this good sex makes us feel attractive, which boosts our esteem and makes us more willing to initiate sex. Related to this body positivity, partners with a good body image are more confident, so they are more comfortable with making suggestions in bed.

Being open about fantasies and pleasure points helps both partners have a more fulfilling sex life, because they can try new things and will both be satisfied. This makes both partners happier with their love life. In this sense, being unafraid to ask your partner for what you like is a sign of a healthy sexual partnership.

For some people, sex can feel like a scoreboard. They keep track of how often they have intercourse, and make a fuss when they go too long without some bedroom time. While a reduction in frequency could indicate a problem, an obsession with sexual numbers can also be a trouble spot. It implies quantity is more important than quality.

If a partner is overly concerned about the number of times they have sex in a month, week, or day, it’s possible that their sex life is mechanical, and that they’re not entirely enjoying it. They might just be pursuing targets, or focusing on getting it done.

When you experience satisfying orgasmic sex, you might be sated for a few hours, or even a few days. And if your relationship outside bed is intimate respectful and healthy, then the sex will follow naturally, and you might not notice how often you have sex.

On the other hand, sometimes life gets busy and you ‘forget’ to have sex with your partner. At such times, you might choose to schedule bedroom time actively. If you’re comfortable with deliberately planned sex, and you’re not too concerned about crossing off your weekly sex checklist, then you probably have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner.

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