August 2, 2018


Psychologist and philosopher Eric Fromm has a beautiful thought about love. He says, “Love isn’t something natural. Rather it requires discipline, concentration, patience, faith, and the overcoming of narcissism. It isn’t a feeling, it is a practice.” In some ways, this is true of sex. If we were to consistently ‘do what comes naturally’ as happens in many patriarchal societies, sex would only last a few seconds, and one partner feel unsatisfied with Lasting Sex. And yet in other circumstances, what comes naturally is exactly what is required.

Israel W. Charny, Ph.D., preaches a concept he calls ‘sweet and tough love and sex’. He explains that within an environment of politeness, respect, and complete consent, it’s healthy and natural to give in to our instincts of sexual conquest and surrender. This isn’t necessarily a gender-driven response, and it’s more about your mutually agreed roles in the sexual relationship. If you exist in complete trust and commitment, then you can assert and express yourself sexually, building mutual pleasure and depth into your love-making.

Mixing tenderness with passion

This may seem quite elevated, this level of philosophy in sex, but his point is partners need to be open, receptive, considerate, and passionate in bed, exploring both their tough and tender sides, but only in a space of complete safety and without hurting each other physically, emotionally, or psychologically. Sensual love should be – in his mind – both sweet and searing. On a more mundane level, regular, loving sex offers benefits for partners of all ages, young or old. (But not too young – refer to prior comments regarding consent.)

Your heart benefits directly from sex, at all levels. Psychologically, you feel attractive and wanted. Emotionally, you feel appreciated and admired, even loved. And physically, all that excitement pumps your cardiac muscles, improves blood flow, and enhances circulation. As a result, it reduces the risk of angina. Sex is also a great stress buster, which in turn can lower your risk of ulcers. And it brightens your smile. The physical contact of invited, sensual touch makes people of all ages feel much better about themselves, the world, and life in general.

Never too old for good loving

In older people, having sex every week can make them fall ill less frequently, because of the boost to their circulation. At the psychological level, it keeps them feeling young, active, and attractive, boosting their self-esteem. They look and feel healthier and happier, especially if the sex is in the context of a loving relationship. Casual sex is well and good, but loving sex has far more benefits to your well-being, especially among long-term couples.

A lot of work has been done regarding premature ejaculation treatments. Albert Kinsey and Masters and Johnson wrote extensively on solutions to sexual performance challenges, creating new cures and techniques. However, they didn’t look into how sex affects our health, or what it means to us at the psychological and emotional level. We know today that a mature, consensual, active, healthy sex life is beneficial at all stages of adult life.

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