August 2, 2018


When the average man Googles ‘how to last longer in bed’ he probably expects advice on technique and tantricks. He is likely to scroll past anything that offers mundane tips on how to live a healthy, relaxed life. And yet stress has a proven link with poor bedroom performance. At the most basic level, it’s hard to focus on love-making when you’re worried, but at a more organic level, stress can lead to lifestyle diseases like high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks, and others. These all directly interfere with blood flow to your penis.

For that reason alone, cutting down your stress levels is worth the effort. After all, your circulation needs direct access to your genitals in order to sustain your erection. And sometimes, these stress factors affect both you and your partner, so it helps if you can work together is easing them. Let’s look at the top for causes of stress in the 21st Century. These results were drawn from a 2017 study run from November to December.

Top 4 bedroom problems

eHarmony requested Harris Interactive to perform the online survey, which covered 2,084 participants who said they were married or in committed relationships. Their age range was 18 to above 65. The participants did online interviews, listing 15 top reasons for stress in their romantic partnerships. 8 of these reasons were overtly sexual, such as 14% erectile dysfunction, 8% porn, 6% unfaithfulness, and 15% bedroom boredom. Of the 15, these were the four most common.

  1. Stress at work – 35%
  2. Exhaustion preventing sex – 33%
  3. Low libido – 28%
  4. Money fights – 27%

While all these problems can interfere with a couple’s intimacy, they’re all resolvable issues. The first step is open, sincere, respectful communication. This is even more crucial for sensitive stressors like ‘boring sex’ and infidelity. That said, the top reason is work-related stress, which can be hard to distinguish from other forms of anxiety.

Wind down for better sex

Use your commute home to wind down so that by the time you get home to your partner, you’ve left your office – and all its drama – behind. Similarly, if work and life leave you too tired to have sex, schedule‘couple time’ for slots when you’re more energetic. Make it a deliberate, conscious, consistent priority. It may feel forced at first, but keep at it. It works. Of course this assumes you want sex, but are too tired, either physically or mentally.

If the issue is disinterest, start by figuring out why you don’t want to have sex. Is it a recent thing or more long term? Are you afraid of experiencing pain during sex? Are you depressed or anxious? Is this the side effect of medication? Or is it a body image issue? The last is the most common. Train yourself to focus on your positives rather than your negatives. It’s difficult, but it gets easier with practice – hence the term ‘training’.

For money matters, think about your relational power dynamic and how closely that ties into money. Try to equalise the dynamic by budgeting together and making financial compromises.

More insights on news

  • Looking After Your Mental Health in Isolation

    16 Apr 2020

    Looking After Your Mental Health in Isolation

    As people navigate these unprecedented times, many individuals are having to adjust their daily routines to fit within new governmental regulations regarding social distancing. The majority of the …

  • 12 Jan 2020

    SEX, INTIMACY, AND FRIENDSHIP: KEYS TO A HEALTHY ROMANCE

    We often use intimacy as a euphemism for sex, but it has its own definition. It can mean harmony, closeness, friendship, familiarity, trust, privacy, relaxation. For many people, …

  • 2 Jan 2020

    FREQUENT SEX MIGHT HAVE COGNITIVE BENEFITS

    A lot of us will be happy to know sex makes us smarter. This intellectual enhancement was tested in very specific ways. Scientists performed studies that tested participants’ …

  • 2 Oct 2019

    HOW LONG IS “TOO LONG” WITHOUT SEX?

    We all wonder how much sex other people are having, worrying whether our own frequency is below par. Unfortunately, this focus on quantity over quantity deflects from whether …

  • 2 Sep 2018

    HOW SEX HELPS YOU LIVE LONGER

    It’s hard to go against science, especially after studies have proven – definitively – that people who enjoy good, regular sex live longer, happier, more fulfilled lives. Sex …

  • Human-Sexuality

    2 Sep 2018

    HUMAN SEXUALITY

    A language is a powerful tool, and how we use it not only expresses deep-seated attitudes but also influences the behavior of others. The term sexuality, for example, …