July 2, 2018

You might have heard people mention ‘baby-making weather’. It makes sense. It’s an evolutionary response, and it’s likely that a large percentage of people call their exes over winter. It’s a combination of low body heat and miserable weather that leaves us seeking (physical) comfort.

In some ways, this can be an excellent opportunity to get past your issues with premature ejaculation. You may feel it’s a lot of pressure to perform, and this could aggravate your problem, so it could be helpful to have an honest talk with your partner. The key is how you perceive the situation, and what you do about it.

Cuddles cure everything

For many women, the best part of love-making is foreplay. It makes them feel closer to their partner and warms them up for the ‘big game’. Use this to your advantage. Start with light affectionate touches and non-committal cuddling with no explicit expectation that it will extend into intercourse. In fact, you can even use the lure of the forbidden fruit. Many couples – even without ED – like to heighten their passion with consensual withholding.

For instance, you can agree beforehand that you will cuddle, tickle, touch, or tease, but that you won’t penetrate. This takes the pressure off you, which is great because it’s the anticipation of failure that often leads to ejaculation before the desired time. Ironically, knowing you’re not ‘allowed’ to orgasm may heighten your desire to do so.

Also, as your sexual tension builds up, you’ll realise you can maintain an erection longer than you expected. Moreover, once you know that you can – with no effort to do so on your part – you’ll become psychologically aware of your ability to delay ejaculation and orgasm. That may be all you need to break the cycle and last longer in bed. You could try this sexless cuddling exercise for a few nights then see if you’re comfortable attempting low-intensity intercourse.

Take it easy, make it easy

The trick is to keep your expectations low. Give yourself space and time, and talk things over – before, during, and after. If you do ejaculate prematurely, continue to cuddle and stay in physical proximity, preferably skin-to-skin. This builds up a level of intimacy that can get you out of your head and keep you physically present with your partner.

Continue to talk and touch even if intercourse hasn’t reached the desired completion. You never know – it might get you back into the right mood to try again, and even if it doesn’t, at least it’ll keep you both warm which is the whole point, no?

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